Urban Legends

I am collecting stories from the trenches.  If you have an interesting (or sad, or funny, or cautionary) story about a teacher/teaching experience please forward it along. Continue reading below for the first contribution. (I don't know if any of these are true, and in this next case not even legal, but they sure make a good story)

Right after college I got a job teaching math in a suburban high school.  I was the youngest, with the least experience, and I was male.  Coincidentally I still am, male I mean.  Anyway I was excited to have a job so when I was assigned the lowest level math courses I didn't bat an eyelash.  But when I received my class lists the other teachers took one look and pointed to one name in particular, and the message was clear: Watch out for him! 

The reason became clear when classes started.  I was trying to teach a lesson when said student (who happened to be taller than me and pound for pound an attitude to match) kept fooling around in the back. 

"Hey, " I called, "Pass in your paper."

The student stood up, rolled his paper into a ball, and took a free throw shot from the last row, which missed and rolled onto the floor.

I tried to keep my cool, turned and said, "Walk over here and pick that up."

The student took his time and strolled over to me.  He stood right in front of my face and was a full head taller.  He looked down at me and said, "You pick it up."

In a split second decision that probably could have sent me to jail, I grabbed him by the shirt and dragged him into the hall.  I roughly pinned him to the lockers and he protested the whole way. Because of all the noise several teachers opened their doors and looked into the hall.  When they saw me with this student, they smiled and quietly shut their doors.

I got right up in his face. "I don't know who you think you are, but in my class you follow my rules.  If not, we're going to have a problem.  Are you ready to get back in there and pick up that paper?"

The element of surprise must have been on my side, because he agreed.  Maybe he thought I was crazy, and crazy people are not to be messed with. We walked back into class and for the rest of the year I didn't have any problems with him.



 

Parent/Teacher Conferences

The Ugly Truth: Should I Admit I Have A Favorite?... or Unfavorite?

As you may have noticed, this blog is not entirely pedagogically sound.  Bloom forgive me but I tackle the big issues! I dig deep to uncover the truth! No matter how good bad or ugly. 

And this is why today I am discussing whether in fact teachers have favorite students, unfavorite students, or if they admit to having either.

Guilty as charged.  On both counts.

I literally strutted into my first year touting the addage: All students are created equal, under Me, with education and justice for all.  I bristled at the idea of partiality. I took an oath to treat all students equally, on pain of death.

So I'm back from the grave, warning all of you to forget making such an oath with yourself.  Because when it comes to teaching, and you strip off the identity badge and close up your grade book for the night, we are human after all.  It is impossible not to feel more of a connection with one student (or several) that you do not share with everyone. 

For every year I've taught, I can remember my ahem favorites.  I can also remember a few unfavorites.  The important thing to remember about admitting that you have both is never showing you have both.  Because students are keen to pick up on any hint of favoritism (or unfavoritism) and that not only causes hurt feelings and resentment, it is unprofessional and immature.  When it comes to professional duties or teacher/student relationships, such as grading, privileges, or even bathroom breaks, these feelings need to stay in check and on the shelf.

Notably, I have also found that the more I try to like every kid equally, the more equally I seem to like every kid.  It is certainly possible to start out feeling ambivalent to a kid, or even feeling negative towards one, and then as the year goes on to change those feelings into positive ones.  

But sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you can't quite get there with one or two students. You may be faced with a child whose personality is simply not compatible with yours. As was put ever so eloquently to me by a veteran teacher recently: He's just an unlikeable kid.  

No One Gets Rich Teaching...

.... But no one leads a richer life.




(thanks PBS)

Parent Night: The Vaccuum

Don't get sucked in!

I have always found Parent Night/Open House as a fun way to do a little PR work.  There have been reports - shocking, I know - that students are not always honest about the teacher they have.  So Parent Night gives you an opportunity to show that you are not the horrible beast that someone's little cherub has described you to be.

However, this is not the night to get into an all-out debate over a student's performance or latest test grade and the validity of your rubric. NO.  Tonight you smile, you charm, you are happy to meet everyone (yes, every single parent thrills you to high heaven!) and ecstatic that they showed up.

But you do NOT get sucked into a conversation about someone's specific child. There have been reports - shocking, I know - that some parents do not realize their child is not the center of your universe.  "For everything there is an appointed time."  So if you find yourself being backed into a corner, I would say something like: "I'm glad you mentioned that.  I'd like to speak further about this but we are not allowed to discuss much in detail at this time.  Let's set up a time for a conference."  Voila! Crisis averted.

The Best Advice You Will Get All Year.... Priceless

Six boxes of colored pencils: $10.00

New clothes for picture day: $52.00

A current year agenda book: $12.00

The advice you get from New Teachers Newsletter.... priceless.

You will get a lot of advice from people in education over your career.  Some of it is worthless, some of it is valuable, but there will be something out there that is without a price tag.  For me it was never given.  If there was one thing I wish someone had told me my first year, it is this:

Do not be a friend.

Everyone wants to be the cool teacher.  EVERYONE.  If you say you don't, you're lying. And that means you want to be the cool teacher even more because the perception is that the cool teacher can't care about being the cool teacher. So, stop lying to yourself, because you aren't fooling any of us.

I distinctly remember my first day: I remember how the classroom was set up, what I was wearing, and exactly how I was leaning against the teacher's desk with ten minutes to go in the period, just shooting the breeze with the 8th graders, because we had discussed the syllabus and, h'well, that's all we needed to cover the first day.  Because I was, after all, the cool teacher.

I also remember how the rest of that year the students grew increasingly unruly, loud, obnoxious, and rude.  I will always remember the bad days of that class, even though there were so many of them.  Starting off relaxed and trying to establish order after that did not work for me.  So please, please - Please! Learn from my mistakes and do not try to be a friend.

As an authority figure you need to establish authority.  That means communicating the expectations of your class as early as possible. Some will argue that means no smiling! no laughing! no fun!  I do not subscribe to that theory because that is not me.  However, classroom management is not a natural skill, and depending on your group of students that skill will need to be refined by the year.

You can do this in a friendly way.  But that does not mean you are a friend.  Establishing rules is vital in any relationship: parent/child, husband/wife, employer/employee, even between friends (did you honestly go to that party and not invite me?) so don't feel like a meanie.  Because the 'cool teacher' who has no rules always ends up being the hated teacher when they try to crack down on the ridiculosity that becomes their class.

There you go, the best advice you will get all year.  

I accept Mastercard and Visa.

Too Cool for School

....AND it's back to school time!

If the summer seemed like just a long weekend to you, ease back into it with these fun ideas for back-to-school from the Boston Globe online.

(My favorite is the hidden-pencil-holding notebook)