Phenomenon: When a Student Wants to Hug You

There are few things quite as tricky and elusive as the Teacher-Student Hug.  Some believe it is a mythical creature, long extinct if ever existed, spun as a tale of folklore and more fiction than fact.   Others tout its origins as long-hence lost but its descendants ever present still, preserved by tradition and old-school values.

Bad judgment? Common courtesy?

I tend to think that if there were more pure, honest hugging in the world, it would be a better place.  That being said, you'd have to be completely unhinged were you to deny the dangers of touching a student with your pinky finger, let alone a full-on hug.  With all of the sad and twisted news of teacher/student relations, it is little wonder than even an accusation of inappropriate conduct is a career death sentence.

I hope this isn't you.

Working in a high school (I would say) poses far more danger than an elementary school, in terms of Hugging Tolerance.  I would say the opportunity to hug a student is not as commonplace as in elementary school.  Some things to consider:

Who is hugging whom first?

For what purpose? A good grade? A goodbye at year's end? Conflict resolution?

Who else is around? Where is the hugging taking place?

Consider the student: male or female? problems at home? is there even a slight chance this student has romantic feelings for you? has he/she just finished sobbing? will this student be voted most flirtatious in the year book?

The little ones sometimes cannot help themselves.  If they are too happy to see you they must just be overjoyed and throw their little arms around you and you cannot stop them.  This happens from time to time; call it a hazard of the profession.  And to be honest, don't we sometimes want to give those tiny people a squeeze?

As cute as they are, they grow up fast.  While working in a middle school I once had the unfortunate occasion to have a mature and quite large seventh grade boy try to hug me.  The only thing I could do was pull my arms up to my chest and he ended up hugging me as if I were in a straight jacket.  I felt awful and embarrassed but that's not appropriate conduct for the student, either.  Hugs should be accepted by both parties before being given.

In the upper grades, hugs are far less tolerated.  I'd say the only two situations in which I could envision myself being comfortable with hugging are: before summer break, or upon a student or teacher leaving the school permanently.

If you find yourself in a situation outside of those two categories and a student actually asks, Can I hug you?, I would assess the potential consequences and decline, 9 times out of 10.  You could say something like, "How about a high five?" or "How about a big ol' handshake?" Put 'er there slugger.